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I have been friends with a woman, who has overcome numerous hardships, which I admire. Yet, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her partner walked away, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her social circle drifted away then, as they were only interested in the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have grasped more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, several of her friends have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, even though she was an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I open discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She has been organizing a holiday to a nation I know well repeatedly and lived in for a while. My intention was to offer advice, however, my input not welcomed. She really just desired me to confirm her choices. I have returned from a month there she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she can comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is rarely the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to resolution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three involves requesting ways you together will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

It's wildly successful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it represents they trust. This is difficult when there seems no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out this way and then think on your words. If you never reach an agreement, it provides peace from having been truthful.